Why isn't it the weekend yet

B: 1/4 c. egg beater + 1/4 c. shredded cheese + 1 morningstar breakfast patty + 1 c.coffee w/creamer

L: 1 c. zucchini+ 1/4 c. alfredo sauce + 1/8 c. shredded cheese + 1 tofurky sausage

D:  1 spicy chick'n patty + 1 carbmaster yogurt

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Morning weigh in: 370.8

I'm so mad I could cry. How can my weight go up  1.5 lbs on what I eat??? I'm so disgusted with it all.

I'm so tired. I don't know how much longer I can go on. I barely made it out of bed this morning. I am exhausted.

Got my new meter in. It shows exact same readings as old one. Crap, why are my blood sugars so bouncy?

Hump day

B: 3/4 c. Cheerios + 3/4 c. unsw. soymilk + 1/2 c. pineapple juice + 1 c. coffee w/ silk vanilla creamer

L: 2 c. salad mix + 1/8 c. shredded cheese + 1 c. cucumber + 2 tbsp ranch dressing + 1 1/2 serving Morningstar Parmesan garlic chickn "wings" bites (about 8)

D: 1 beyond burger + 1 Udi bun + mustard + 9 fries + 1 c. zucchini

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Morning weigh in: 369.4
30 min pedaling

Ran to Kroger for a clicklist pickup order last night and it was all I could do to put the groceries away. I was so tired. I think I did myself a disservice coming home from the hospital and going back to work the very next day. If I had been actually going into work and not working from home, I would have taken a few days off to recover. I should have done that anyhow. I am so tired all the time, like I can't catch up and I need a day of sleep. I'm looking forward to Saturday so I can sleep in.

Tuesday

B: 3/4 c. cheerios + 3/4 c. unsw. soymilk + 1/2 c. pineapple juice + 2 c coffee w/silk vanilla creamer

L: 1 1/2 c. zucchini + 6 asparagus + 1/4 c. cheese + 1 tbsp. olive oil + 1 Atkins protein shake

D: black bean wrap with lettuce/pico de gallo

SN: 1 carbmaster lemon yogurt
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Morning weigh in: 369.4

Well, it only took a bit over 2 weeks to get off 10 lbs of water I gained in 3 days. :(

I fell asleep yesterday during the middle of the day. Just nodded off. Not exactly exciting here working from home. I feel tired and have a hard time getting up in the morning now. My speech is good but I find myself searching for a word sometimes.

I ordered a new meter. I've had the same one for about 8 years I think and it shows my blood sugars all over the place. Really hoping it's just the meter.

Monday again

1115am: 3/4 c. Cheerios + 3/4 c. unsweetened soymilk + coffee + 2 tbsp. Silk vanilla creamer + 1/2 c. pineapple juice

230pm: 6 asparagus spears + 1 c. zucchini + 1/4 c. shredded cheese + 1/2 olive oil + 1 apple

630pm: 1 beyond burger on a Udi bun w/ mustard + 1 c. swiss chard

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Morning weigh-in: 370

30 min pedaling

Sunday Rest

1030am: 1 corn tortilla + 1/4 c. egg beater + 1/8 c. shredded cheese + 1 tbsp. taco sauce + 1 c. strawberries + 2 c. coffee w/coconutmilk creamer

230: 2 c. salad mix + 1/2 c. cucumber + 1/8 c. shredded cheese + 2 tbsp ranch + 1 quorn chick'n cutlet

430pm: 1 Atkins protein drink + 1 teriyaki vegan jerky

7pm: 1 serving GF/Vegan potato soup + 1/4 c. shredded  cheese

830pm: 1 apple + 1 oz cheese

___________________________

I took a nap today. It was wonderful and much needed!

25 min pedaling

Jeff wanted potato soup today and I had some potatoes I needed to get rid of.  I can't remember the last time I made (or ate) potato soup. It was a good recipe with only 118 calories for a 2 cup serving (18 carb,2 g fat, 6 pro). I think it's the best I've ever made using soymilk.

yay Saturday

1030am: 1 corn tortilla + 1/4 c. egg beater + 1/8 c. shredded cheese + 1 tbsp. taco sauce + 1 c. strawberries + 2 c. coffee w/coconutmilk creamer

3pm: 1 black bean crunchwrap fresco style (Black bean, lettuce, pico de gallo)

7pm: 2 oz. cheddar + 1 apple + 1 c. coffee w/silk vanilla creamer

________________

Ran out to pick up prescriptions at WM.Ran to Roanoke Sams. Exhausting. I tire so easily.

After the stroke...

8am: 1 c. tea

11am:  1/3 c. egg beater + 1/4 c.  shredded cheese + 1/2 cara orange + 2 coffee + 2 coconutmilk creamer

230: 2 c. salad mix + 1/2 c. cucumber + 1/8 c. shredded cheese + 2 tbsp ranch + 1 quorn chick'n cutlet

630pm: 1 c. cabbage + 5 oz. potato + 1 tbsp. butter + 1 tofurky italian sausage

730pm: 1 oz. cheddar + 1 apple

________________

Back at home. Very tired. I feel like I could sleep for days. I got up to "do work" here at home so i don't need to use alot of sick days. I didn't get much done today. I cry easy and I still struggle to find the right word. I feel like I'm almost afraid to eat. That's a strange feeling.

I went to the ER Tuesday night. I knew it was another TIA. Couldn't talk, right side affected. ER doc remembered me from last year. Sent me to Roanoke because this was my 3rd one in past year. Waste of time. Still waiting to get appt with neurologist and cardiologist. Everything closed with COVID. Being in the hospital was horrible.Alone-Jeff wasn't allowed because of COVID restrictions. We texted a lot. Food was a nightmare:"gluten free, diabetic, vegan" was the label on my tray.

My blood sugars, blood pressure, heart rate were all low and I felt like I was in a fog most the time. So glad to be back home.

Feeling major aggravated

8am: 1 cup earl grey tea

11am: 2 street tacos + 1/4 c. egg beater + 1/4 c. shredded cheese + taco sauce + coffee + coconutmilk creamer

130pm:  2 c. salad mix + 1/2 c. cucumber + 1/4 c. shredded cheese+ 2 tbsp ranch + 3 oz salmon

7pm: 1 beyond burger on bun w/ 9 fries


____________________

Morning weigh in: 372.6

My weight is really pissing me off. I gained 10 lbs in 3 days and it's now been almost two weeks and I haven't gotten it completely off yet. It's just a numbers game. I've been eating really clean and I'm not seeing much progress. THIS is why I get discouraged. I'm just disgusted at this point.

Still not feeling 100%. I thought I was feeling a bit better last night, but here I am feeling the same crap this morning.

Monday again?

8am: 1 c. earl grey tea

11am: 1 c. elderberry/hibiscus tea

130pm: 1 c. asparagus sprinkled with parmesan +  1 c. yellow squash + 1/3 c. shredded cheese + 1 tbsp. olive oil + 1 Morningstar Farms veggie burger patty

6pm: taco salad: 1 c. salad mix + 1 serv. (1/2 c.) morningstar crumbles w/taco seasoning + 1/4 c. shredded cheese + 1/4 c. salsa + 1 tbsp. tofutti "sour cream" + 2 green onions

________________________

Morning weigh in: 372.8
Pedaling: 15 min +25 min

My weight is up today. Well it certainly isn't from food. But I did eat carbs for dinner and that causes me to pick up even water weight.  My legs are pretty big today. I only had to get up once last night and I usually get up twice, so there's that. I still feel pretty blah. I'm trying to be productive today, but I'm not feeling it. I still feel like there is something "wrong" with me. This virus/bug or whatever is making me feel anxious.

I've been regularly fasting for about two weeks now. I always try for 12 hours even when I'm not "trying" to fast. But when I try I go for 14-18 hours. I've been doing about 16 hours for the past two weeks. Does it help? I don't know, but it saves "breakfast" calories from my day so that's a nice dent in the total number of calories every day. I try to go from dinner until about 1 or 2pm the next day. I'm eating around 1200-1400 calories a day even with two meals. I'm focusing heavy on the veggies. But I still find myself lacking on the protein. I guess I need to add a protein drink sometime during the day.

I haven't been pedaling the past two week because of my knee. I'm in constant pain. I think the pedaling aggravates it. I decided to try and cut it into segments in the day and see if that helps--I also sat back more to ease the knee from coming up so high. It feels like a pin being shoved into my leg/knee when I walk (put pressure on it) and keeps giving out on me.

Just another blah day...

11am: 1 c. elderberry tea

2pm: 1 c. roasted carrots + 1/2 c. acorn squash + 1/2 c. brussels sprouts + 1 quorn "pesto & mozzarella" chick'n patty + 1 tbsp. butter

8pm: 1 c. mashed potatoes made with soymilk/butter

__________________

Morning weigh in: 371.2

Not feeling well today at all. I didn't feel like eating and felt worse after lunch. Yes, I ate mashed potatoes for dinner. I just wanted something soothing. Do I feel bad for eating potatoes? No. Should I? I didn't eat many calories today, but I'm not hungry and I don't feel good. I actually took an hour nap this afternoon. That was a nice treat.

What's a weekend?

12pm: 1/4 c. egg beater + 1/4 c. shredded cheese + 3 slices Morningstar Farms breakfast strips + 1 c. earl grey + 1/2 c. strawberries

5pm: 1 Mission low carb tortilla + 1/2 c. salad mix + 1/4 c. cheese + taco sauce +1 c. cucumber (I was trying to make a "crunch wrap" like I get at taco bell, no black beans, so I added my salad mix. Meh...it was ok.)

7pm: 1 1/2 c. zucchini + 1/3 c. alfredo sauce + 1/4 tofurky italian sausage + 1/3 c. shredded cheese

___________________

Morning weigh-in: 371.6

I haven't felt well since Thursday. I'm not sure what's wrong with me, but I feel "tired". That's not a good description. I feel weak. My blood sugars are bouncing all over the place. One morning it's 110, the next day it's 160 (fasting.) I'm not sleeping well because I keep "jerking" awake during the night. I can't pinpoint anything wrong when I wake up. I feel nauseous most the time too. Eh, probably just a bug.

TGIF

8am: 1 c. earl grey tea

1030am: 1 c. elderberry/hibiscus tea

2pm: 1 serv. quorn roast + 2 c. yellow squash + 1/4 c. shredded cheese + 1 tbsp. olive oil

630pm: 1/2 c. pineapple juice

7pm: 1 beyond burger w/1 slice melted cheese on 2 LC tortilla w/ 1 tbsp. vegan mayo + 9 fries (yes I counted them) + 1/2 c. strawberries

________________________________

morning weigh-in: 372.8

I'm happy the weight is showing less, but how come I gain 10 lbs in 3 days and it's taken me almost a week and a half to get this much off??

Water weight is coming off!

8am: 1 c. earl grey tea

11am: 1 c. elderberry/hibiscus tea

130pm: 1 serv. (1/5) quorn roast + 1 c. red chard + 2 c. zucchini w/ 1/4 c. shredded cheese + 1 tbsp. oilve oil

6pm: 1/2 grape juice

630pm: huge guilt-free taco salad-- 2 c. salad mix + 2 oz. quorn meatless crumbles w/taco seasoning + 2 tbsp. almonds + 1 small cucumber + 1/4 c. shredded cheese + 2 tbsp. ranch dressing + 4 tbsp. salsa

__________________

morning weigh in: 373.2

Hump day

8am: 1 c. earl grey tea

11am: 1 c. elderberry/hibiscus tea

2pm: 2 c. zucchini w/ 1/4 c. shredded cheese + 1 tbsp. olive oil + 2 "non-yolk" deviled eggs

330pm: 1 teriyaki vegan jerky

5pm: 1 black bean crunch wrap fresco style at Taco Bell

9pm: 1 teriyaki vegan jerky + 1 apple + 2 oz. cheese

*exciting day to Kroger for click-list pickup. I'm usually out once a week now groceries or pharmacy during this time of stay at home order. Woo-hoo. A car ride!
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weight: 374.8

Tuesday, or Monday #2

8am: 1 c. earl grey tea

245pm: 2 "no-yolk" egg whites + 1 c. zucchini w/ 1/8 c. shredded cheese +  1/2 tbsp. olive oil + 1 c. cucumber w/ 1 tbsp. ranch dressing + 1 serving (1/5) quorn roast

645pm: 2 c. red chard w/ 1/2 tbsp. olive oil + 1 c. rainbow carrots + 1 c. navy beans

915pm: 1 apple + 2 oz. cheese + 1 teriyaki vegan jerky

______________________

morning weight: 377.2

So the plan is to come up with ideas of things I can do when I want to mindlessly eat. I remember making a list like this from my days of OA (Overeaters Anonymous). How about:

* have a cup of hot tea
* pedal a few minutes
* deep breathing
* chat with a friend
* blog
* check my protein #'s for the day (this is a new one for me. I realized today that I really haven't had much protein and this is what I am usually lacking on.)

Coronovirus Blues

I've been working from home since March 26. My food the same as ever except for occasional pop-tart treat or 1 serving of pasta for dinner. No point in lying, I have also eaten some bbq chips in the past 3 weeks being at home. I know it's stress eating. But I was surprised my weight was 370 when I weighed on April 7. I fluctuate between 363 and 370 all the time, depending on my swelling. It's really aggravating and honestly pisses me off when I consider how little I eat.

My legs have swelled up (lymphedema) and I have a lot of bloating going on right now. I had terrible stomach pains Sunday night and thought I was to have to go to the ER. Every time I go with these pains (about 3 times over the past 2 years) they tell me it's my vagus nerve and my gastroparesis is causing the issues. I don't really understand that except to say it feels like a knife straight thru from my stomach to my spine.I can't stand up and laying down is the only thing that makes it bearable until it subsides. I'm almost grateful for it this time though because it has caused me to clean up the food issues as I'm afraid to eat much. I have no idea what sets it off.

Easter Sunday, April 12:

1130am: 2 LC tortillas with 1/4 c. EB, 1 Morninstar Farms "soysage" patty, 1/4 c. shredded cheese, taco sauace + 1 c. Earl grey tea

3:30pm: 2 slices Quorn turky "roast" + 2 slices Tofurkey "ham" + 1 c. green beans w/garlic + 2 "non-yolk" deviled eggs.

7pm: 1 strawberry poptart

________________________

Weight: 380!! Holy cow, my weight has gone up 10 lbs.in 3 days. Yeah I know it's water, but DAMN.


Monday April 13:

8am: 1 c. earl grey

1130am: 1 c.elderberry/hibiscus tea

145pm: 1 c. cabbage w/ /1/2 tbsp. butter, 2 slices of Quorn turky roast + 2 "non-yolk" deviled eggs

615pm: 6 spears asparagus +1 small sliced zucchini both cooked in 1 tbsp.olive oil and 1/8 cheddar cheese + 1/4 alfredo sauce + 1 slice diced quorn turkey roast

_________________________

Weight: still 380. Actually 380.4. Yep it went up .4 since yesterday. Is it no wonder why I feel disgusted and hopeless about this?

What are non-yolk deviled eggs? Since I"m allergic to egg yolk, I haven't been able to eat deviled eggs in about 40 years. No love loss though. I never really liked the taste of them. My first Thanksgiving married to Jeff, his parents came down for the holiday and when I got home from work that Wednesday before Thanksgiving, his mom had been cooking all day. She had me try these "deviled eggs" she made just for me. Well I was convinced she really was trying to do me in, but Jeff kept telling me they had no egg yolk. They were quite aware of my allergy. It LOOKED like a deviled egg. I slowly took a bite and was surprised it tasted good (whatever it was.) I can't stand the smell of egg yolks--it smells worse than dog poop to me. She had taken leftover mashed potatoes (which really don't have much of a "taste" when you think about it and added mustard and pickle relish.) Now I can't stand cold potatoes, but it was a great base for the mustard and relish. Needless to say, those are a specialty item that I had her make for me on the holidays (Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas). Now that she's gone, I have continued the tradition and Jeff eats them with me. (With his cholesterol, he really doesn't need egg yolks!)